I’m hearing it every day at the moment – from clients, friends and family: ‘I can’t sleep.  I just can’t switch off my brain’.  Obviously the heat doesn’t help.  It’s uncomfortable, clammy and gross.  We’re all lying there with a sheet draped over us or nothing at all, and a fan whirring away in the corner cooling the skin but not the core.  Then, because sleep isn’t arriving, which was predictable, and annoying, the thoughts start.  Along with thoughts about work, past failings and embarrassments and worries about the future, there’s the increasing pressure and anger about being awake and uncomfortable, knowing that tomorrow is going to be hot, and exhausting, and we won’t be able to focus on anything because of the weight of sleepiness.

For people going through or in menopause, the insomnia and overthinking can be insufferable.  It’s bad enough already without hot flushes, itching skin, legs that keep twitching for no discernible reason and sudden, boiling night sweats.  If we have a partner lying next to us snoring, this is another indignity to endure, and if that partner is also going through or in menopause, honestly I have no idea how people cope.

There’s sometimes a moment when sleep begins to hover on the horizon.  The body gets loose, the muscles heavy, thoughts drifting and losing clarity, even dream-like sequences.  The thought of impending sleep is one of joyous relief.  Hello old friend.  At last!  And then there’s a dog barking outside, you have to move a bit to get more comfy, you make the unforgivable mistake of checking the time, you realise it’s only going to be five hours of sleep max, you start to think about tomorrow again, and there it is.

Or there’s needing the toilet.  Maybe.  Maybe it can wait until the 5am wee wake up.  But it might be easier to drift off with a completely empty bladder.  But it might wake you up more.  You don’t go.  It gets worse.  Another half an hour wasted, and then it does wake you up more.  By this point you’re either in a state of complete, zombielike resignation, or you’re ready to punch the wall down.

For people with ADHD the sleep cycle is often delayed, with the ideal routine being 2am sleep time and 10am wake up, due to circadian rhythm differences.  Some theories have it that ADHDers used to be the night-watchers while the other cave-dwellers slept.  Then the others would wake with the dawn while the watchers caught up on their zs.  Super for the cave-dwellers but not in the world we live in.  So we keep going to bed at 10pm and hoping for the best.  But the wakefulness is frankly ridiculous.  I get into bed feeling sleepy and then I’m instantly energised, ready for a deep debate about medical ethics, or a joke-telling fest.  Even though I feel sorry for my husband, I still chatter at him or wriggle about to try and get comfortable to the point where he often tiredly points out: ‘there’s a lot of activity going on here’ and attempts to calm said activity by running a finger down my back, which is nice, but doesn’t make me go to sleep.

There are many theories and advice sources on the science of sleep, including a great book by Matthew Walker, entitled ‘Why we sleep’, which as a popular science book is interesting, informative and helpful.  I have used a few ideas of his along with general ideas from Mindfulness and somatic exercises, to tackle my own sleeplessness, which happens in the heat and sometimes in the cold, and during times of stress or anxiety.  They’re definitely not cure alls but they do make it a bit more bearable at least, and possibly/probably result in sleep arriving a little easier.

The first basic rule is not to keep trying to sleep for more than half an hour.  If it’s been half an hour you’re supposed to get up and go to a different location where you engage in light reading, star-gazing, cat-stroking or other such low-level activities.  You keep doing this until you feel sleepy and then you go and lie down again.  And repeat ad infinitum until sleep arrives.  I don’t do this because it’s too much of an effort but it’s a theory.  It might help.

For the time spent lying in bed, these are some of the things that can help:

• Listen to something dull like the shipping forecast or women’s hour (sorry if you find it exciting)
• White noise, brown noise, spa music (doesn’t work for me but we’re all different)
• Counting the breaths as well as noticing the thoughts coming in and whirling around.  Count breaths up to 10 and then back to 0 and then go again.  This is basically ‘dual awareness’ – noticing the inner thoughts but simultaneously noticing the physical presence of the breath.  It can calm the overthinking
• Another ‘dual awareness’ technique is paying attention to the sounds, smells, textures and sights around you, which can ‘ground’ the internal alarm clock of anxiety and remind ourselves that we are OK in this present moment
• Starting from the toes and working up to the forehead, tense and release all the muscles you can think of.  Tense them reasonably hard and then slowly relax them.  Notice how it feels different when they are relaxed.  Or listen and follow a progressive muscle relaxation on Youtube.
• Do a yoga nidra.  I love these and sometimes get a buzzy, ‘connected to the universe’ feeling from them
• Pretend your hands are holding a balloon and then blow it up 5 to 10 times.  A long outbreath calms the nervous system
• I keep getting adverts for a vibrator called ‘The Lemon’.  Haven’t bought, can’t recommend, but sounds great and works using air instead of direct contact which is good for sensitive or thinner skin, doesn’t result in unbearable soreness and we all know the relaxing benefits of a great O moment
• Having satisfying sex, almost certainly.  But recommending sex to people who can’t get to sleep, may be next to a snorer or another hot angry person and are stressed about it is stupid and pointless
• Sleep stories – these are great!

Unless there’s a serious, ongoing insomnia situation, in which case a GP appointment is best (if you can get one!), it’s pretty normal to catch up on the missed sleep when we get tired enough.  If I go a couple of nights with a short sleep, I’ll often get a great one on the third night.  So there’s that.  And for stress, overthinking and anxieties that feel really overwhelming, especially lying there on these warm, not-dark enough bedtimes, and need to be unpacked in therapy, you’re in the right place.